Sex With Your Ex – Should You?
Sex with your ex can be very tempting if your ex was the greatest lover you ever had or if you are still physically attracted to them. However, having sex with an ex, no matter how shallow or deep and intimate the relationship was, can be very tricky.
Why is sex with an ex so appealing?
Sex with the ex is appealing for many reasons. We feel already feel comfortable with them, both inside and outside the bedroom. A new relationship or hook-up is generally awkward, and first-time sex is always a little uncomfortable. When having sex with an ex, we know their likes, their dislikes and they know ours as well. Sexual familiarity means the sex will probably be very pleasurable. Sex with an ex often feels like a no-brainer, especially if the sex as being good.
Things to consider
If you had strong feelings for your ex before, those feelings are likely to surface again after you have sex. If you broke up fairly recently, sexual intimacy is likely to reignite feelings that may still be there, even if you believe that ‘its just sex’ and that the feelings are gone. Having sex with the ex can bring back a flood of emotions and memories. If you are able to stay emotionally uninvolved, your partner might not be able to. Someone’s feelings are certain to get hurt, especially since breakups are rarely a clean cut on both sides.
Absence (and sexual longing) can make the heart grow fonder. A fond heart may cause you to forget some of the reasons you are no longer with the person. Sleeping with your ex probably won’t change the problems you’ve had before. It may make matters worse and your healing more difficult.
If your ex is dating, there is a possibility that they have had sex with someone else. When monogamy disappears, so does the assurance of safe sex which means that it is probably best to use some type of protection or birth control.
There are times when sex with your ex may not be such a bad idea. If your break up was fairly amicable and truly mutually desired, sex may not be a bad idea. Sex may be OK if both parties are trying to reconcile and strongly believe there is a chance they’re meant to be together. It is very important to be honest with yourself and your ex. Don’t make promises that you don’t intend to keep. Do your best not to mislead them.